Some guys don't let me pay. What should I do???

Talk about dating, breaking up, getting married, etc. This is where you can talk about units 2 & 4 in Authentic English Readings for Advanced Students.
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Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2011 2:38 am

Some guys don't let me pay. What should I do???

Post by smileMitnimaJung »

I don't really know why some guys feel strange when their girl friends pay when they go out. I tried to pay and even text messaged him that I want to buy him at least something.

Few days ago, I have done a blind date. The first time we 've met was last thursday. (Today is monday)
After the first day we have met, he asked me every time if we can see on the next day. So I met him on friday, saturday, sunday, and monday (we have met 1hour ago).

The problem is this. On every date, he paid for everything. Actually, on the second date, I told him that I want to pay for coffee but he refused and didn't let me pay. I even sent him a text message that I don't want him to pay for every date but he says that he is going to pay for everything. I took out my credit card from wallet and was going to pay, but he never lets me.

Yesterday, after seeing a movie, we went to the coffe shop, and I paid. At this moment he said that he is sorry that he didn't pay even though I really really wanted to pay for that.

We have only knew each other for only 5days, but we met everyday, and had fun. But I kind of feel a load for him paying everything. He is 22 and I am 21. So I think we should take turns to pay.

What should I do? I 'm worring that he might feel burden as time goes by.

Happy Kyung il
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Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2011 12:30 pm

Re: Some guys don't let me pay. What should I do???

Post by Happy Kyung il »

For the first and initial period of date, men really think that they need to pay everything.
That is one of the way that men can show you that he is interested in you.

But he is 22, I think he might be a student.
He will be out of money pretty soon.
And it seems like he has crush on you, and I think you like him, too.
I suppose that because you really meet him everyday after a blind date.
So I guess you and that guy will be a couple soon.

Now I want to give you an advice that I've done.
You can open a savings account with him just for you two.
And every month, you and your potential boyfriend put money together.
In that case, your potential boyfriend can put more money than you do.
And use that money when you date with him.

Then, everytime you date with him, you and your potential boyfriend pay together.
Maybe, some special day like your bithday, he can pay whole thing.
In my experience, that was a really good option.
I guarantee that he will like your suggestion.

happy Yiwen -Wang
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2011 2:00 pm

Re: Some guys don't let me pay. What should I do???

Post by happy Yiwen -Wang »

I think that when man date with women , man is expected to pay everything.But nowadays, more and more girls are willing to pay it.I want to say that in China, girls are very independent that most of them have jobs. When boy date with girl, girl have the ability to pay it, she do not want boy to pay everything for her.

Happy Chan il
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2011 6:03 am

Re: Some guys don't let me pay. What should I do???

Post by Happy Chan il »

In Korea, men usually think it's compulsory to pay for a date, especailly when they first go out. Maybe, that's why he doesn't let you pay.
I guess it's because this kind of 'rule' has been very common in Korean society.
Some men consider it natural, and some women also think so.
In addition, some people say that men tend to express their good feeling about women by paying for the dates, as kyoung il has mentioned.

I agree with the writer of this post because i also think that men don't have to pay for all the dates.
Even if a man's not student and earns enough money for paying for the dates, women sometimes pay for the dates.
Men can feel burden if he think it's mandatory for him to pay all.

Happy Sang Bin
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:10 pm

Re: Some guys don't let me pay. What should I do???

Post by Happy Sang Bin »

I agree to what Chan il said about it's a common thing seen in Korean Society. I'm also the kind of person who is willing to pay everything for a date.
Actually paying for date can be a sign to show that he is interested in you. So actually that's a good thing to see if you are interested.
If you two people want to get into a serious relationship, why don't you try sitting down with him and talk about it?
I have a girlfriend who is working, who is always paying more for the date. I'm in the exact opposite situation.
We always have to actually struggle for who pays more, but we really talked about it seriously and I finally convinced her that we should share our dating expenses.
I think this will probably help you two too. Talk it over seriously and come into a consensus.
Never let this situation become a habit to both of you, because after it becomes habit, it probably will become hard to solve.

James Trotta
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Joined: Fri Jun 18, 2004 10:08 am
Location: South Korea

Re: Some guys don't let me pay. What should I do???

Post by James Trotta »

You two saw each other five days in a row? :shock: Is that normal in Korea? In America I think we have to play the dating game where each person pretends they are not too interested

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