strategy for dating

Talk about dating, breaking up, getting married, etc. This is where you can talk about units 2 & 4 in Authentic English Readings for Advanced Students.
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Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:38 am

strategy for dating

Post by (lab102)kimdoojin »

Most people say there are special strategies for successful dating. For example, in the first meeting, a woman should not meet her partner so frequently or a man should save his message or phone call although he likes his partner very much. It means they should behave against their real will. They pretend that they don`t have much interest in their partners. Koreans call it push-and-pull(밀고 당기기). Many of my friends told me(no matter they are guy or girl) that it is very important and essential strategy for dating. They say that they make their partner like them much more, and it is the way to show their self-esteem. But I don`t understand it. The most important virtue for relationships(not only for love relationship) is respect. If we want to be a friend of someone we should show our respect to him or her, not our self-esteem or something. And the thing they call self-esteem is not really self-esteem but just an egoism in my view. However, in most of successful love story I`ve heard, this push-and-pull seems to really work. Isn`t it ironic that they should pretend not to love their partner in order to gain their love? Can`t we achieve our love by just showing our real feeling, without that kind of strategy? What do you think? Is it really essential?

And one more question. Do you have any special know-how or strategy for dating? If you have, let`s share it!

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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (lab102)jounghwanpark »

This so-called strategy of "push-and -pull" could work effectively as how you explained it, but what if your partner takes it in the wrong way and thinks that you're not interested in them? I think you'd have to take this into consideration as well because it can happen in reality. Hence, if things don't work out after using this strategy, who's to blame?

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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (Aplus)kimyongsun »

Many young people use push-and-pull and through it, they gain more love. However, I think that,as you said,it is ironic that they should pretend to have no interest in their partner in order to gain their love. I think that if they truly love each other, that kind of love strategy have no uses. Meanwhile, if a woman expresses her love to a man, the man might settle for the present and become less interest in his partner. It is really difficult to predict the minds of people, so push-and pull strategy might be essential for maintaining the relationship.

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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (lab102)InesJarqueWarnotte »

Ye, me too I think that using such a strategy is so stupid! When dating, you should be able to show your true self and not act like you are not intersted so you can get your partner hooked. A lot of my friends also told me it's the best way. But by experimenting it, I can say it doesn't always work with everyone, for exemple with my ex it didn't worked. lol If I was acting disinterested, he was doing the same, but if I showed him interested then he would do too. So I think that hidding your feelings is not always the best solution. Moreover it's kind of lying which is not a good start for the relationship, so I don't really like it.

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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (lab102)kimdoojin »

I heard an interesting explanation about this strategy from one of my friends. He explained it with an economic concept, "scarcity". He said that when you meet someone who you want to make your boy- or girl friend, you should show him or her your scarcity. That means you should let him or her think that it is the last chance to see you or to be your boy- or girl friend. If you don`t show this scarcity, he or she is able to postpone the decision. And then he or she can have more options. By showing your scarcity you can urge them to decide now, and they are likely to choose you. Therefore, people need this strategy for dating.
In fact, I don`t quite agree with him, but it is an interesting opinion, I think.

(apple)kim sojeong
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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (apple)kim sojeong »

For people like me who are completely senseless and take things literally, it wouldn't work that well.
At worst, I might actually be offended if a person acts as if he's not interested in me whatsoever and takes enough effort to show it.
I mean, I consider honesty to be the most important thing when it comes to, well, pretty much everything.

If you like someone, you normally like that person for who they are. If a person is playing games and not being honest,
it would be difficult to know who that person is and therefore harder to create any kind of relationship with them, at least for me that's how it would be.

(Starbucks)Cho Yoon Jeong
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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (Starbucks)Cho Yoon Jeong »

When two people go out together, it means no doubtly that both of them are having good feelings toward each other.
So, if everybody knows that they like each other and they themselves know that they like each other, why do they have to act like they are not interested in dating once in a while? Acting like not interested seems more foolish to me.
Couple cannot meet each other everyday, everyhour. Their time is limited. And I think spending that precious time fooling their partner is such a waste of time.
They have to show each other their fondness so that the partner does not get hurt.
To sum up, I think there is no such thing as 'strategies for dating'. Expressing their love and fondness to each other is the best, and the only strategy in dating someone.

(A plus) Lee hansol
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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (A plus) Lee hansol »

I also thought I want to show all of my real sincere love to my partner.
But many couples said to me that if I don't have a push-and-pull with a partner, the relationship can be easily dull. they said it is kind of strategy to sustain long and amicable relationship.
Their advice seems realistic and understandable. If a couple show their real mind in everyday, they can be sick and tired of each other early.
So I think there must be a strategy for dating to keep a relationship.

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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (101)seojiyun »

Dating between two people is surely based on one's respect toward each other. So, excessive push-and-pull will hinder the relationship between couple because they'll have no idea about their partner's feeling, and it's gonna be quite annoying. Although I think in some degree, this 'push-and-pull' is necessary. When someone shows you great amount of interest to you and being really sincere to you from the beginning, you'll be impressed at first. However as time goes by, there's no expected other side of him/her. You know everything about him/her. It can make you lose your interest to your partner, I think.

(101)Sol a Kim
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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (101)Sol a Kim »

I think that I need the stratgey "push-and-pull" a little bit when I have a date with someone who I am interested in. Though I have good feeling to him, I think I have to keep a room between he and I for some time. Because if I am favorably disposed toward him from the beginning, he will be fed up with me, and I don't want to make that kind of situation. And after a while, when he shows interest in me, I can show him my true heart. I don't want to experience such a terrible situation that the boy regards me as a burden.
And your second question,,I can't give you good skills when I do "push-and-pull" because I didn't have many relations with the guys :)

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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (lab102)hyeeunlee »

I do agree that push-and-pull(밀당) could sauce the relationship, and could be quite effective strategy during an early time of the relationship.
But I think this strategy should not be about each other's essence of mind. We meet the partner because we love having time with each other and faith for the partner. And excessive push-and-pull skill could make the partner exhausted and he or she might lose one's belief.
So, I think it is better to show the genuine feeling for each other and if you want to spice the fun, this skill should be conducted under premise that each other know that it is just a little play to make the situation happier and fun.

(starbucks)Eun-jae Rhee
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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (starbucks)Eun-jae Rhee »

I think strategy for dating is needed. And I do not feel it is done for his self-esteem. I rather want to give applause to someone who do it.
Dating strategy like 밀당 makes relationship interesting so they become more concentrated on it. I think there should be some interesting things in dating.
If not, couples would feel boredom and tired on their relationship.
I think the time 'love' covers all and lasts relationship is only in early days. They need fresh things of each other to maintain relationship and feeling the other fresh IS strategy of dating.

(starbucks) Young-Ju Song
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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (starbucks) Young-Ju Song »

I think that push and pull, which called 밀당, is essential in relationship, especially in love. It raises love between them. Also, it prevents them to coo their emotion. At dating, people should express their emotion to each other. If you just express your feeling straightly, it may make your partner feel burdened. However, if you use this kind of skills, your partner might feel curious whether you like him or her and wants to know that. I think it's good skills to raise love.

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Re: strategy for dating

Post by woogayeon(sixzero7) »

I all for your opinion!!!! I can't agree with you more!
I just can't understand why many people pretend they don't like each other.
this is really ironic that they should pretend not to love their partner in order to gain their love.
In my opinion, the most important thing when we have realationship is "trust". Trust that she/he loves me.

(Starbucks)Young Il Seo
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Re: strategy for dating

Post by (Starbucks)Young Il Seo »

I think, in relationship, such strategy is rather necessary. In the early stage of relationship, people are deeply in love. By this, they would often behavior impatiently. It makes two possible situations. One is that they confirm their loves and they will intimately be involved with each other. The other is that they are fed up with their haste and become indifferent to each other. Within the latter case, the strategy you called ‘push and pull’ will be needed. That skill will lead people to control their action and make love make last for a long period.

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