Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Talk about dating, breaking up, getting married, etc. This is where you can talk about units 2 & 4 in Authentic English Readings for Advanced Students.
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Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by apple-samuelkim »

It may be true that usually the guy asks the girl out first, especially in Korea.
I don't know why or when, but somehow this has become a major rule in our dating culture.
Since I was in high school, I often saw guys asking girls to be dating with them, not the way around.
The methods varied, but the guys tried to express their feelings and it seemed as though the girls were just standing there and judging the effort.
Have you guys and girls ever heard a song about a girl asking a guy out?
I can't recall any I've heard.
Of course, there should always be exceptions, possibly due to greater sex equality and thus girls taking on more active roles in relationships.
Still, in the campus, workplace, parties, it seems commonplace that men try win their women, who on the other hand are just waiting for the right time (and guy) to get picked up.
Then what do the girls do?
They do what they are truely masters of - they introduce the art of "밀당."
Through "밀당," a term you must all be familiar with, the woman (seemingly a less active participant then the man) dominates the relationship.
My experience tells me that this is true.
The many few relationships I've came across, all the way to my current girlfriend, required me to act the brave guy who asks out first. (Is this because I'm a loser? Don't know, but some of you must agree I have a point.)
I expect that males taking initiative would be more or less dominant in other dating cultures.
Since you guys and girls must have so many diverse ideas and experiences, I want to hear your opinions.
So, what do you think?

(starbucks)Eun-jae Rhee
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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by (starbucks)Eun-jae Rhee »

I partly agree with you. Truly, it is common in this country that a man asks a girl to go out. But that's all. I do not think Who asked to go out first will matter when a couple develops their relationship. It is funny that you described 'girls are just waiting for the right time to get picked up'. I do not think it is bad that a girl do not easily ask to date. I do not know it's really true, but I heard that if a woman confesses her love first, men become to feel easiness(not like romance or thrill). And I also think someone who fell in love first asks to go out is right. In love affair, paying attention to the initiative is a silly thing. But I feel "밀당" is necessary to maintain relationship. "밀당" is different from initiative. Though a man and woman started their relationship, they should not open them all and there should be a curiosity and anxiety about each other. And "밀당"'s role is that. By the way, Songs.. of course male singers sing a song about their calls for girls to go out, but female singers do same as male singers do. Contrary to your opinion, I have not been heard a song about a girl only waiting a man's confession.

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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by (101)bibeksharma »

It depends on your idea of a "date". If two people that like each other want to spend some time together outside then it doesn't matter who asks. From my own personal experience i never ask my girlfriend to go on a formal date with me. If i am going to something fun then i ask her if she wants to tag along.

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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by (apple)parkminji »

I agree with the opinion that guy always aks for a date except some cases.
Actually, upon my experience I don't have any experiences that guys asks for the firstdate.
All relationships are started from the kind of friendship because I prefer comfort atmosphere but it is true that guy asks for a date commonly.
From medias to everyday life, all relationship coaching programmes talk how to ask a date and subject is always man.
I think this is connected with gender problem.
Gender is different from sex because gender contains social conception.
Throughout history, men's value is courage and active energy but women's value is calm and passive image.
So these gender image make people's action.
Even though all men are leader at date but world is changing.
Women's gender state is higher than before so I expected that woman asks for a date!

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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by (101)sohnjinjoo »

It doesn't matter either a man or woman asks for a date first.
If you are in love and going to a person you like asking for a date is such a brave action.
It is still common that men tend to ask out first but since we call for equality of gender,
I think it is time to change. If people change their perspectives, it wouldn't be awkward to see women asks out first.

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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by (101)Leeyerang »

I think that It doesn't really matter who asks out for a date. It is usually the guy that asks out in Korea or maybe in other countries too however, If the woman wants to ask out for a date I think it is necessary. It is not determined on who asks out for a date. Also, I tlhink that 밀당 is not that good because I don't understand why couple's do this when they love each other.

Lost Baek Haewon
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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by Lost Baek Haewon »

I don't really think it matters who asks whom out. Either boy or girl can do that. But I believe, according to what I heard, boys asking girls out makes the relationship between the two longer and stronger. The couples in which girls have asked boys out eventually do not last long because boys easily lose interest in the girl that asked him/her out. Therefore, I think it has become a some kind of custom or prejudice that girls should wait for boys until they are asked out.

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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by LostKimdongwook »

I think girls should never ask a man out when she wants a healthy long relationship with him, she should wait and constantly send signal to him but should never ask him out first. there is few reasons.
First, it is because men usually falls in love with who he loves and women falls in love with who loves her. in other words men usually don't get serious when women says to him that she likes him, this makes the girl very less attractive for men. I don't know why but most man have fantasies about women and this is easily broken when she asks him out. Man loves women who is hard to get.
Second, you shouldn't go out with a man who doesn't even have the guts to ask you out. I'm not a sexist but it is true that men and women are different and there are some qualities that men should have, and courage is one of them. In a relationship there would be times when a girl wants his boyfriend to be "the man", but that guy who didn't even have to courage to step up, will never be "the man".

Lost/Kim Jisoo
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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by Lost/Kim Jisoo »

It is true that a boy aks a girl out for date in most cases.
Mainly it's because girls are afraid that boys might underestimate them when they ask boys out for date first.
It probably would give boys more power.
Moreover, girls feel like asking out for a date is boys' job.
But the truth is it's no one's job.
When you like someone, you should ask him or her out withiout hesitation.
Otherwise, you might lose your chance.
Love is all about timing.

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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by (Lost)Haein.Cho »

in Korea men are usally asking date.
but these days many people say love is what a brave person achieves. lol
In reality one of my friend(girl) asked going out first, and they became a couple! ^^

(starbucks)Han Hye Kyung
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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by (starbucks)Han Hye Kyung »

I think it doesn't matter if a guy asks for a date or a girl asks for a date. However, I also think that the culture is pressuring many girls to just wait until a guy asks for a date even if the girl has a feeling on other guy. But I think it would be also nice for a girl to express her feeling directly.

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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by Sun-Yusun-Shul »

I don't think there is a particular role for guys and girls but they are forced to do what they are asked to do.
Although girls are interested in someone, they don't usually show their feelings and wait for the guy to ask them out.
I think it's ridiculous to set up such cultural atmosphere. Telling what girls and guys do.

Sun Jee kyoung
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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by Sun Jee kyoung »

It's true in Korea that the guy usually asks the girl to go out with.
Even in blind date, it is always the girl who are waiting for the guy's text message or a phone call.
(The guy will contact the girl if he liked his partner)
Personally, I HATE THIS.
Why do girls always wait to be chosen?
Why girls rarely dash to the guy even she likes the guy?
I don't know why.
But it's true in Korea that over 95% of the cases, the guy always ask for the girl for a date.
To be honest, others think weird or kind of brave person when girl asks the guy for a date.
Don't know why- But we have been thinking like this so far, without any doubt.

(starbucks)Han Sun Joo
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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by (starbucks)Han Sun Joo »

Actually I have a boyfriend. In my case, we express our feelings equally and when I want to meet him, I ask for a date first. So I think that your opinion is little bit direct.
Of course, some girls just stand and wait until the boys ask for a date. It is not nice behavior. But what I'm saying is, it is not matter. The girl or the guy who loves each other, so, I tnink that who asks for a date isn't matter.

(starbucks)Hong ji eun
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Re: Is it the guy or the girl who asks for a date?

Post by (starbucks)Hong ji eun »

well, i also agree with you. i think that is not matter to ask for a date. becuase if we love each other so sincerly,it doesn't matter in love i think. however you know that it is too difficult to ask for a date to man. then we need to have a brave. in my case, i don't have enough brave in dating. consequently, i think that asking for a date is not matter. the important thing is our mind!

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