should women offer to pay?

Talk about dating, breaking up, getting married, etc. This is where you can talk about units 2 & 4 in Authentic English Readings for Advanced Students.
(106)Yeongseok Kim
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2013 1:14 am

should women offer to pay?

Post by (106)Yeongseok Kim »

I suppose the question is a universal issue. Even in Korea, the issue has always been around as the most tricky one to solve, which is in relation with social cotext. here in korea, men are the ones to pay for dating. In defence of men, women also need to pay partly for dating such as buying a cup of coffee or dessert. and if women at least ask to pay, that's okay. on the other hand, in defence of women, they say, because we have to get dressed up nicely and beautifully with full make up appearance, for being attractive to men, they have to spend bunch of money on their appearance, so they don't have to pay anything at all.

In my case, I pay 60~70percent of dating fee, and my girlfriend covers the rest, but from time to time she treats me. it sounds very fair to me because most of men pay all. what about you guys? what you prefer?
do men have to cover all or not? do women ought to offer to pay?

(106)Lee Hyunjeong
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Mar 13, 2013 5:46 am

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (106)Lee Hyunjeong »

I think in dating 'dutch pay' is the best solution and also Mr.Kim's dating style is fair. Of course, women use so much money in cosmetics and clothes and so on, so if they also pay during dating, their life will become harder than before because of money problem. However, it isn't limited to women. Men also use quite a lot of money in clothes, so it doesn't make sense with the statement 'All of the dating fee should be paid by men.' I think if couple dutches they will not get into a fight with money problem. And to me, dutch pay doesn't mean paying exactly the same money. It means if men buy meal, women should pay the bill of cafe. These days the fee of cafe is similar with meal or even more expensive then mill, so I think it is fair if women pay the fee of cafe.
Like the above, I think women also should pay during date.

(106) Sanggyun Kim
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Mar 10, 2013 4:17 pm

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (106) Sanggyun Kim »

I also think 'go dutch' is the best way. And also it is not bad someone who has more money or earns more money pays more.
In my case my girlfriend and I, both are student. So we only get some money from our parents. So we've gone dutch from the beginning.
But sometimes I pay for her. When she come to near my house, I pay for her because her house is quite far from my one. Usually I am busier than her, so she come to the 외대.
So... in my conclusion, going dutch is reasonable way but we need to consider the situation and be cosiderate our partner?.

(102) Liz Herrera
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:20 pm

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (102) Liz Herrera »

In my personal point of view, men should offer to pay because that the way they can act like gentleman, but nowadays most men pay only in first dates because they now that is expected from him and it can show if they are prepared or not to have a serious relationship. In the subsequent dates, they may go dutches, this is usual if they have similar incomes.
Even if the man is offering to pay, it is a good detail that women offer to pay once, it is better if you never assume that he is going to pay always.
As a woman it is important to be prepared with money, even if the guy is who asked you out, because everything can happen. Also it is important to have consideration about the price of the things that you order, the rule must be not to expensive, but not too cheap.
The most important thing to deal with this issue is communication about what each one expects, it is a complicate topic, but if is treated correctly it could avoid misunderstandings.

(102)Wonjae LEE
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2013 11:43 am

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (102)Wonjae LEE »

In my opinion, both should split the bill. But since men are ,in general, richer and older, they could pay more. However the other ought to offer to pay or at least try to do so.

(103)KimJeeHae
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 2:54 pm

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (103)KimJeeHae »

I think dutch pay is the best way in relationship to date. It will be a good thing that a man sometimes pays for dating because of doing her a favor innocently. And it is the same with a woman. But, if a woman always thinks it naturally or thinks as a right and if a man is doing it uncomfortably, that relationship is a problem. The dating may be a difficulty. Also, thinking that the man pays for dating because man has more ability in economic aspect is somewhat sexist thought. A woman has same economic ability as a man and the dating should be fair man to man. All of two can be enjoyable.

(101)SungMinAhn
Posts: 14
Joined: Sun Mar 10, 2013 3:51 pm

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (101)SungMinAhn »

I also think the dutch pay is the best way. If men pay all during the dating, it is unfair. But in case of duth pay, I think flexible dutch pay is good thing. For example, If men pay for meal, women should pay movies or coffee.

(106)YoonsilJang
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (106)YoonsilJang »

In my case, I have no experience of 'dutch pay' in dating, but I also don't think men have to pay all.
Honestly, I don't care too much about that. Instead, my boyfriend and I usually pay within the limits of the possible. I sometimes pay more and he does same.
I have not come into conflict with him on this issue.
However, it would seem my case is very lucky one after reading your opinions.
I agree dutch pay is very comfortant, but it isn't suitable yet for korean culture, I think.
I know it's a clich, anyway the solution is talking enough about that problem before beginning to date.
Of course, it must be preceded that korean girls change their thought, men have to pay all.

(102)Kim su yeon
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:22 pm

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (102)Kim su yeon »

In my opinion, I think who to pay is not so important.
It's not the matter of gender. Man can offer and woman can offer, too.
In my case, thinking of Korean culture, Dutch treat looks little bit hard.
If one side is willing to pay, it doesn't matter one pays all.
But if one feels it is burdensome to pay alone, other should pay too.
I think who earns more is good to pay more regardless of the gender.

(103)Jin Hyeongho
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:22 am

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (103)Jin Hyeongho »

In many countries, there is "men's pay" culture in dating.
I think this "men's pay" culture was made by the circumstance that most of the men worked but women didn't.
But in modern society, a lot of women are working. So, "men's pay" culture has change a little, too.
There are so many couple who dutch pay in their datings.
So, as the circumstance changed, the "men's pay" culture must be changed.

Section 106 – You Hyun Woo
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 6:03 pm

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by Section 106 – You Hyun Woo »

without considering the capacity of the man, I think the way to pay in dating is completely depends on their situation and personal values.
for instance, although the man has enough money to pay all the expense, if his girlfriend doesn't want him to do that, then it is right to dutch pay.
if he or she doesn't understand his or her love's situation, or can't mediate differences of personal values, then it is better for both them to break up.

(102)SeongEun Park
Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Mar 08, 2013 3:28 pm

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (102)SeongEun Park »

I think that it depends on personal situation. For example if my boyfriend pay for lunch,I willnly will pay for dessert.
That is resonable for other couples. I disuade mt friend when he offer all of date cost, because it makes me uncomfortable.

(102) Youngju Song
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 3:14 pm

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (102) Youngju Song »

I don't agree about the women's defense part you wrote. Most of the women do not agree that they have to pay less because they spend more money dressing. In my opinion, that is a fallacy of hasty generalization.
These days, lots of young couples in Korea make a bankbook for their date. Man and woman deposit same amount of money and spend that money while they are dating. I think this is a good solution to settle this problem without blushing. Even people who think Dutch pay is good do not want to think over how much I spend and how much my boyfriend or girlfriend spend because that does not seems cool. By having a dating-bankbook, they can go Dutch easily.

(101)Limseounghoon
Posts: 14
Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2013 5:52 am

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (101)Limseounghoon »

I think it is totally just individual choice. We have choice to meet someone or not. if some girls think that I want to meet the man who pay for me at all. They just try to find that man and if some boys want to meet a girl who can do dutch-pay. Then just try to find that kind of girls. I think it is very hard to make a decision for this sort of problems. Becaues it depends on individual situation. I mean case-by-case. :lol:

(102)YangChulJoo
Posts: 16
Joined: Sun Mar 17, 2013 11:44 am

Re: should women offer to pay?

Post by (102)YangChulJoo »

I think that order them to pay half of the price is very reasonable if they aren't your girlfriend. However, if someone who should have to pay is your girlfriend, I think just let them to pay less than 30percent is the best choice. This is global etiquette I might guess?haha

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