Looking for someone to find mistakes in my essay.

Post your practice GRE essays here, but don't wait till the day before your test. We need some time to read and make comments.
Post Reply
Rmt
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2016 12:46 am

Looking for someone to find mistakes in my essay.

Post by Rmt » Sun Aug 21, 2016 1:02 am

Hello, I am trying to learn how to write an essay the proper way. I wrote the following essay for essay writing learning purpose. I'd really appreciate if you check it and let me know about the grammatical mistakes, vocabulary mistakes and sentences structure mistake. Thanks in advance.

Topic Title: War in Afghanistan
The war in Afghanistan has been affecting countries around the world. It started after the Soviet Union invasion of Afghanistan in 1979. Although, as a Russian Ally, the Afghan government of that time told civilians that Russia has come to Afghanistan on the basis of a political agreement but majority of the people of Afghanistan didn’t agree with the Afghan government. Instead, they gathered, chose their leaders, named themselves Mujahedeen (holy warriors), picked up any ammunitions available to them, announced Jihad (holy war) and started to fight against Russian troops inside Afghanistan. How these warriors, so called Mujahedeen, convinced themselves, they will be able to defeat the world’s super power; was a question for almost all the politicians around the world. Were civilians expecting war to continue after the withdrawal of Russian troops from Afghanistan? No or yes! They experienced it later.

The internal war of a country destroys almost everything inside that country and so did it to Afghanistan. Afghanistan was once a country, not only known for its natural beauty and pleasant weather, but for its peaceful settings and multiculturalism. This internal war has not only ruined all the old infrastructures but it has also left a complete generation illiterate behind. Afghanistan was once a center of tourism for Europeans and Westerns but now a country of fear.

It has been said in a quote that Choices made, whether bad or good, follow you forever and affect everyone in their path one way or another.” Almost exactly, this is what happened in Afghanistan. The king who ruled the country for 40 years was overthrown in a staged coup. As a result, it was since as easy as pie for some countries to interfere, especially the countries surrounding Afghanistan. For example, Soviet Union made a puppet Afghan government, which later paved the way for them to invade Afghanistan. On the other hand, US supported the Mujahedeen to defeat the invaders.

After that the Soviet Union was defeated in Afghanistan, a big number of Mujahedeen considered themselves as the heroes, and wanted to take control of the government. Although, there was a government in place but the Mujahedeen fought to take over the government control by the power of the mass left over ammunitions. This later on resulted a war not only between the government and the Mujahedeen, but also among the Mujahedeen parties and groups themselves.

The Soviet-Afghan war lasted nine years from 1980 to 1989, leaving between 850,000 to 1.5 million dead and millions to flee the country. This tragic story has not finished yet, still tens of people are killed each day by insurgents of different names and groups in Afghanistan.

Post Reply